The year has passed so sudden, and you wonder about the time. You think about this last section of your life, good and the bad. You decide not to wait for new years to begin resolutions. You forgive all factors including you, you recreate your entire being and unleash something extremely powerful and gifted. The world will do your bidding and you know it.
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
Monday, 22 September 2008
So you are in that place, its cold and uncomfortable. This draws you to indulge in your comforts. That's okay though, as long as you don't quit. You have to realise how far you have come in your life, the little things along the way. You get a sense of yourself, you are somebody, people like you. You might not gel with everyone, but that's just life. You tread forwards reminding yourself to hold your head high, you can do it. Nettles and branches try to hold you back, trying to keep you where you are. If you make that choice to stay put you have lost, and the weaker you has won. Then you'll always be weak. But your not weak your strong. You push the obstacles away from your face, creating a path for you to follow. You can't wait to get through this nightmare, so you can be free. The slippery surface underfoot inclines, again testing your determination. But you are to ambitious, to tough. You visualise your goal, you remain focused. Side line emotions will trick you to wonder off course, if you let them. They are not your friend just the darker side of you. You concentrate and think of all the people that love you, who you want to make proud. That's what got you here in the first place, trying to please others? Now you forge on for you, you scream at yourself for treating you with neglect. You make best friends with yourself for ever. You can taste inner peace, and it feels lovely. Well done, you made it and there's no turning back.
Saturday, 20 September 2008
I was placed into this life under the symbol of the Scorpion, I am the eight sign in the Zodiac. I'll clear this make believe view up here and now for the sceptics. I don't follow the planets and I don't go by everything I read. However, along the way I have noticed that certain star signs can be typical of what they are stated as. Now, whoever came to these conclusions I don't know. But it's safe to acknowledge that it stems from methodical times, geek and Latin. I was later to learn though, that there are three types of Scorpio.
Lizard: Is a nasty piece of work, sly cruel and the lowest crook.
Scorpion: Is pure, and travels an even plane.
Eagle: The most noble one who has found spiritual enlightenment, and rises from the ashes like the Phoenix. (My other creature)
Obviously I'm working hard to retain my place an an eagle. But I do have a dark side. I have Pluto which is the planet of mystery, death ,birth, sex and regeneration. And Mars which is the god of war.
POSITIVE TRAITS: Resourceful, caring, advisable, researcher, determined, passionate, hard working, resilient, patient, careful, planner, creative, imagionative, deep thinker, fair.
NEGATIVE TRAITS: Ruthless, cunning, private, shy, vindictive, vengeful, sensitive, views life as black and white, extreme, wreck less, over indulges, misunderstood, self fish, hot tempered.
I know this can be everyone, so I'm only writing what I know and have read. Some of it is true, the rest I'll keep to myself.
Here's some for my fan's.
Taurus-leader of the earth signs, practical, earthy , patient, careful, stubborn, loving.
Capricorn-Good sense of humour enjoys activities like rambling etc, hard working
Virgo- Fussy about themselves and can hold a good argument, many footballers are Virgo's.
Leo- leader of the fire signs, bold, artistic, generous, warm, fun, shy?
Aries- Impatient, risk taker, quick tempered, warm friend, fun.
Sagittarius- Sporty, fearless, comedian, writer, stubborn
Aquarius- Leader of the air signs, creative, friendly, individual, honest, comical, opinionated, intelligent.
Gemini- Clever, communicator, puzzle solver, kind, duel taskful, laid back, sensitive temper
Libra- Romantic, creative, fun loving, indecisive, unreliable.
Scorpio- Leader of the water signs, has Pluto n Mars as planets...
Pieces- Dreamy, imaginative, subtle
Cancer- Homemaker, caring, sensitive, strong.
It's down to you to decide if you want to believe. I know that I only have to look at a Scorpions behaviour to know, that I am peaceful and private until disturbed...
Sensei bows to us and asks us to pick a partner. Our Gi's are already soaked through and we are gasping for air. I note my blood gushing through my meridians like hose pipe water, my muscles warm and ready. I face Nigel as he attacks without warning. I retreat back at an angle, knowing he will pursue. I change direction quickly avoiding his speedy back fist. I defend decently against his attacks and then watch his eyes and waist for the next flurrying encounter. I counter back with some artillery of my own, as I work out a way to defeat him. The cat n mouse changes and Sensei tells us to switch stances and partners. I jog to Andy and let him have some. He pays me back royally and I extinguish the feeling of not been as good as last week. Maybe they are improving? Jack faces me with a warm grin and a reverse punch which nearly reintroduces me to my toast. I focus on my footwork and I settle down, god this feels great. I love this moment it is safe and free of everything, we are one family. I turn to greet Craig with a side kick, love that kick. Finally when were done fighting we move on to push ups between chairs and Kata practice. I've had a good workout, but need to do more homework.
One month left until the age 29 leaves me forever, it is a sad feeling with a sense of happiness. It is in fact me who leaves this age behind, to banish in the clusters of past years. I metamorphose to the age of 30, regretting things that I haven't achieved yet. What's this? I cease and rotate my intergalactic plane of thought, radaring in on the things that I have fulfilled so far. I'm winning not losing. It takes commitment, drive and focus, I have all this and more. I'm unique, I can only get better and better, you just see if I don't, I can't wait till I'm 30!
Great, it's Saturday today but why am I feeling weighted down? You can count on people's negative energy casting a shadow over yourself. I must see through this and forge on. I must be brave, and be a man. I hope that I'm wrong and today's visitors don't make me feel too bad. I don't like my feelings at times, but that's all part of being human. Negativity must knock a several times before I allow him to enter my domain, if ever I do.
Friday, 19 September 2008
I have an online Sifu now. As well as practising different Martial Arts, and a Blue Belt grading hunting me November in Karate. I'm really enjoying this flowing Chi training, although it's hard to grasp. My bodies flushing itself out and returning to a purer state of existence. I move at my own pace allowing myself to absorb the body mechanics and economy in movement. I'm becoming a Snake, a White Crane. When I feel low I'll train, soon I sweat and the moment of martial consumes me. I get lost in this happening, and all of life's problems are pushed to the rear of my brain. After I cool down the problems wait for me, but I meet them in a better state. I feel uplifted from my fears. I conquer, I overcome...I relax.
I position my cheap mercury trainers onto the slippy plastic pedal, Stu does the same to his sharp bear trap pedal. We both grin at each other side by side, and tighten our blisters on mushroom grips. We have removed the cushion from the frames, although we always land on it-ouch. We are hot and sweaty, our parents will want us in for tea pretty soon and the suns setting. Stu leads the way jumping of the higher park edge down onto the sandy track-Bamp!
He peddles a frenzy and hits the ramp, I watch Stu land and then skid. My turn, I lift off and land. I'm going for it and bunny hop jump-soar, bump! I skid 180 and blow up sand comparing my skid mark to Stu's. He won. We practice wheelies on our way home, but leave the endo's for tomorrow. We've been building den's and ramps all day.
Thursday, 18 September 2008
In each of our daily lives we live a busy pace of being. So much so, that sometimes we don't even notice. We rush about at work to get this and that done, and then rush about to get our own things done. On top of that, all you marvelous parents out there have to chase after the little ones. Now, this is where it gets comical. Next time you are drying yourself after a shower, take note of how quick you do it or brush your teeth. I was rushing after a result of rushing just so I could get settled to relax! As a result I caught a rare case of towel rash and Wang mouth! How mad's that? But, it is nice when you eventually take that moment and...relax, arr that's better.
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
With me, what you see, is not what you get. How many times have you heard the sayings, 'There's something I can't put my finger on.' Or 'A dark horse?'
I'm not sly or two faced and those that may have thought that in the past have either let themselves be poisoned, or fail to look beneath the surface. We all have a side that we hide from others. It may be a kind side, an angry side and so on. But it's our personal self, the bathroom mirror watcher, the toilet seat sitter. I can be secretive, I can be sensitive and I can be open. This personal power is something most of us keep hidden out of fears of what others might think of us. It's just another image to our personalities and actually is quite good. It is perceived as a negative trait, when people are misunderstood. Why? The human body. If you look at the human body, everything is working away inside. The heart, liver, kidneys, bones, tendons, vascular, blood vessels, atom & molecules, ligaments, brain, thoughts...and feelings! Only on the outside do we see the external results from the internal mechanics. So hopefully know you can feel a tad better about yourselves, because there really is... more than meets the eye.
Monday, 15 September 2008
'Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it.'
Yes, that's right blogger's, you are extremely powerful. Your words hold true force to give someone strength, and to take it from them. Your thoughts can move mountains and your actions can part seas. You are in complete control of your life's even if it doesn't seem that way right now. Decisions, Direction, Intention, Ruthlessness of self.
Go get the lot!
The sun and the sea are like best friends. The wind is their neighbour, and the birds are their closest family. The clouds provide comfort for the lonely environment that works daily to please our eyes. The elements know their direction, there lives no doubt. If only we would notice it more...
The deep side of man and world sends us a bleak search below. We think of going down as dark, but you will realise that in this very place you will find your guiding light. Many people have hit rock bottom with despair only to bounce back up, and be strong. For it is in this dark miserable place in which we find growth. It beats us down, screaming at us to die. So you have a choice. A choice? Yes, we all have choices. Give in, lie there waiting for the currents of darkness to sweep you into the forgotten. Or fight! You decide to fight, you summon up all of your courage and swim for the surface. You can feel the light guiding you, it was always here but when things were bad you failed to notice. Now your almost there and nothing will stop you. You emerge better than ever before, and you are elated that you choose your life. Maybe digging beneath the surface wasn't so bad after all?
Saturday, 13 September 2008
I'm going out tonight with my friend Bass, and sister Crystal. We are going to The Masters Of The Past at the Que Club. It has reopened after 5 years and I can't wait. All of my favourite types of music will be played all night, although it will be a new me revisiting the the cathedral. I'll be sober headed. It is a huge place with different rooms, what I term 'underground' not like your commercial clubs. I'm sure we will meet some great individuals there, and it will be a night to remember. I can't think of two better people to share this time with. I have fond memories of past events here, it will feel nice to finally come home.
Friday, 12 September 2008
The human body is an amazing piece of living machinery ever born. Basically speaking it is way ahead of your mind if you are one with both. Like changing your razor now and again will result in a better shave as you adapt and overcome. Our bodies will adapt to any load we put on it, as long as it's progressive.
To much too soon and your body will shout at you, 'Oi! That bloody hurts!'
Now if you look at some over weight people (lazy ones) you will see that their bodies have adapted to the gruelling hardcore workout of sitting, pint swigging, food stuffing and most likely finger pointing. This is a waste of a skeleton, a life. These people will do nothing, take a holiday because they have done nothing, then do nothing again, until they accumulate more waste, and then return to nothing. These people are self fish, they don't think they set examples for their children, and might not be there for them one day.
Now take the under weight people (lazy or trains to much and neglect food) I know that some people do honestly have health problem beyond their control and I really feel for these people. But this blog is for the other side of the park, trained or untrained. (I'm a strip of piss, but trained)
What ever you want your body to look like or achieve, just make it happen. Small steps, every thing in moderation, love yourself and enjoy what you do. In no time you will feel much better. Time will not wait for us so we have to blast now!
My mind never ceases to rest. I can feel it working out new maps of contorted circumstances when I am busy doing other things. Sometimes I feel like my mind's not my own, like it lives for it's self. I hear many different voices in my head, like new characters my mind will create and a plot for the taking. I will scribble sprightly with each letter constantly aching my fingers until I receive writers cramp. I keep myself busy. A writer is born, with a creative gift, an artist who needs to work hard at his craft as if fighting to breath. There is no supplement for hard work. At times when I feel like not writing I know that I can write in my blog, that way I'm still writing. It's like my life journal, I enjoy blogging. I have to constantly jot notes down in my phone wherever I go, and those who know me well can tell I'm been quiet because I'm working. As a boy I was to undeveloped as to notice that my crazy thoughts were just my imagination growing with me. They were growing pains. Just like a born sprinter will gradually exceed his or her peers in P.E, my thought process began to manifest leaving my immature nature behind. I think this is the reason I gave an impression of being mad at school. Now, as a young man (nearly 30) I have the responsibility to control my mind to a degree, after all I am I. It's all about the man, or woman in the mirror and really knowing who you are. Self knowledge. It's just the beginning for me, like the evolution of the planet in the lunar cosmos.
The only question I have is...who is writing this now?
Thursday, 11 September 2008
If there's one thing I love about the end of summer, it's the golden leaves. They look so artistic. This means we are going into Winter, the end of summer. The air can be really fresh around this time and will help clear the lungs. We will be entering the Witching month...October my 30TH birthday month. The night will draw in and clocks change. My blogs will be getting very dark, I'm unsure why I get like this. I know it will be fitting with the festival of Samhain-Halloween. We'll just have to wait and see.
I sit back and revisit some of my past training sessions. I enjoy working out alone, because I am my own boss. I know what's right for me and I know how much to push. I recall them cold winter months, breathing out cold clouds of air as I hit the speed ball rata-tat-tat. I can vision the garage door open as the sweat steams of me into the night. I decide to skip, feeling springy now. I move to pull ups, then I'll work the bag. I lift some light weights in my dad's garage, I smile as I relive jogging around minworth in the pouring rain and heavy snow along park lane. Some passers by may think I'm nuts, maybe I am. I cannot imagine my life with out martial arts, it's what I enjoy doing. It's for me, and I'm for it. It makes me a better person with nothing to prove. I train to fight, without having to fight. I'm healthier as a result. I'm sure I'll have more training tales to tell you.
I often take note of what the government enjoys taxing us hard workers on. Quite simply-fags & booze. I seldom drink and do not smoke, and here are my reasons:
I lot of our personal power is locked in our addictions, and because of this routined weakness we are not in control of our lives. We may think we are King or Queen, but that is horse shit. I am as guilty as many for becoming attached to pleasures that make us feel better about ourselves, hell knows that a Scorpio is an extremist?
My Mom had a weakness. I watched her abuse her body till the day she died, just short of my 16Th birthday. At school I hid the home abuse, pretended that my childhood was beds of Rosie's. Every other night was hosted by a violent drunken stranger, and the smell of tobacco.
I know my limitations by looking back at my Mom, who was a Scorpio too. Instead I channel my energies into positive avenues. My Martial Arts and Writing give me the buzz that I need to enjoy life safely. You all have every thing you need for the journey right there in your hearts, I hope this helps you regain the control. I have a Karate class tonight, I know I will enjoy that.
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
Alex sat slumped in the phone box, his almost empty Vodka bottle in one hand and the receiver in the other. He tried to focus on the digits through graffiti and beer goggles, the rain was thunderous. He cried into his sweaty palms as the insecure past tugged violently at his heart. He was alone again. Chav's sped past on mini BMX's bringing noises of joy, as Alex stared insanely at his reflection looking back. He hated himself more than ever, his only friend was the half empty bottle of Vodka. Alex punched out at the booth window, but it didn't help. He could taste his salty tears in a cocktail of alcohol and rain. He cried out words of regrets, mistakes of letting her close to him. Didn't she know how much he loved her, how he was always there. Always here?
His heart felt to be pumping more anger around his over weight body. Why was she doing this too him? She could never understand could she? His hurt, his childhood abuse? His fears. But he had seen it coming. The early warning signs that girls are so unique at. The dismissive blanking, the flirting with his friends. He would always try, only to push her away further. Her cold comments had left him bare and raped him of his self belief. He fought to stand up. Alex let the bottle slip from his grip, shattering around his feet. He began dialling Susan's number 0-7...his head met his forearm resting on the panel. He felt weak, tired. Maybe it was the antidepressants he'd swallowed earlier, maybe? He had to escape his prison, and find space from himself. Alex crouched down and chose a piece of the glass that lay in the puddle.
He screamed at the night, 'I LOVE YOU!'
And then he ran the sharp glass across both wrists, watching his life drip out as he quietly slipped away.
Kerry held up her new dress for Susan to judge, they were off up town.
'Well, wakey wakey girl.'
'Soz Kez, I was just thinking about Alex.' she sighed, staring at the ceiling.
Kerry rested her hands at the hips. 'Why? He was a weirdo anyway, to possessive for one.'
'I know. But I have been a bitch too him lately, and I regret cheating.'
'Do you want him back?' asked Kerry, turning to the mirror.
Susan sat up on the bed. 'I think so, K. '
Kerry began getting her make up out, 'Tell you what. Come out still, we'll have a laugh. You might get lucky.' she watched Susan play with her guilt. 'Listen, one night of freedom, then ring Alex up tomorrow, say your sorry, blah-blah-blah, end of story.'
Susan stood up, 'Okay Kez, I just hope he can forgive me...'
'O, THAT DUANE IS A NUTTER. HE'S MAD, A PSYCHO.'
'Really? When did you hear of me going around harming others?'
'HE'S A BIT WEIRD/STRANGE.'
'I do have a yampy sense of humour, but don't we all in our own individual manners?'
'PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM.'
'True, I have been misunderstood in the past. That's your view of me.'
Yes, I am me.'
'HE HAS A VIVID IMAGINATION.'
Monday, 8 September 2008
'Hey, hey, yo yo...let's go an bust dis!
Fuck foyer duty, we don't want any exams!
Fuck detention, we don't want any exams!
Fuck ya homework diary, we don't want any exams!
Fuck orienteering, we don't want any exams!
Fuck dinner tickets, we don't want any exams!
Fuck the Nimbus room, we don't want any exams!
Fuck plastic trays, we don't want any exams!
Fuck your bunson burners, we don't want any exams!
Fuck the head of year, we don't want any exams!
Fuck the school library, we don't want any exams!
Fuck ya morning assembly, we don't want any exams!
Fuck register duty, we don't want any exams!
Fuck the head of year, we don't want any exams!
Fuck the astro turf, we don't want any exams!
Fuck school blazers, we don't want any exams!
Fuck doin ya tie up, we don't want any exams!
Fuck the top shops, we don't want any exams!
Fuck the bottom shops, we don't want any exams!
Fuck the centre eight, we don't want any exams!
No more Putman changes...
Fuck Hulleyburger, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Greendog, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Jacksonspam, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Grundybitch, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Locktonring, we don't want any exams!
Fuck GingnutGoulding, we don't want any exams!
Fuck BaldheadBaron, we don't want any exams!
Fuck BallSack, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Hornbytrainset, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Gemmaltesttube, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Mr Guestlist, we don't want any exams!
Fuck BassmanBall, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Friday's lemon, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Coughlinflapjack, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Bensonhedges, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Searymonkey, we don't want any exams!
Fuck JillPill, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Whiplash, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Sandersbeach, we don't want any exams!
Fuck bikerGroves, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Marsaybigfoot, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Mr Whitesocks, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Kalavanus-doshous, we don't want any exams!
Fuck Walkerscrisps, we don't want any exams!
NO MORE PUTMAN CHANGES!!
Sunday, 7 September 2008
'My view point of point view can't be brought.
Face each day with a trained thought.
Through ages of wisdom in which I sought,
a Code that is Morse wont begin to crack my course!'
My holiday in Tenerefe was so relaxing. I enjoyed the feeling that came to me when couples, young and old strolled past me in love. I was in paradise. Everyone's needs a break, although nothing beats going abroad, there are some lovely places here in the U.K. Me and Nichola would watch the sun go down by the beach, it was like another world and maybe it was. I had time to reflect and think, my mind wondered searching for energy. Ive had some interesting thoughts come visit me as I sat on the hotel balcony, but that's for another blog.
I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of the things that you are and what you will achieve. I know you will find your own way, your own truth. You will find happiness and make it your haven on earth. Your gentle little soul with grow to accumulate endless pastures as far as your mind can vision. I will take care of you and support you forever, I promise. I have faith in that you will come to things in your own time. I'm excited and at the same time scared for you. Though, I only have to hear you sleep on my chest, your little breaths singing to me... 'I'll be okay Daddy.'
I'm so proud of you.
I'm so proud of you.