JESSICA'S DIARY

FRIDAY 13TH OCTOBER 2008.

10:00PM....

'This is my last time I will write in my diary. By now it will be clear of all I have experienced and been through. I question about how many times I could hope and kid myself of ever getting Matt Steely to like me, we're in our last term of school and still he barley notices me. What is it that other girls have that I don't? Laura told me the other day that I was a 'blond bombshell', and not to try to hard. Well, they are not queuing up mate. My mom and dad tell me to stop being silly and to grow up. 'More fish in the sea' and all that talk that doesn't stop you from crying into your pillow every night. I read over my past experiences in this little pink book that has kept me sane. I try to lie to myself, 'Maybe it's time of the month, your feeling vulnerable?' No. I can feel them all laughing at me, still even Matt. Oh Matt, can't you see that we were meant to be? Why did you not answer all of my letters? I walk past your house every day. I even know what time you go to sleep. I want you to be my first Matt, please please...I love you.

How stupid am I really? Jessica Brandon you are a smuck! Not any more am I...Matt? You drove me to do this didn't you? I can't write anymore, how can I record what I've done? How would this Diary read in court?

Oh, silly girl Jessica Brandon had a crush on a lad in her school, and through sheer desperation killed him. Yes, killed him. If I can't have him, then nobody can. I've always been strong for a girl and pushed him in the woodwork cupboard, I tried to kiss him but he pushed me away. I just reacted and reached for the nearest thing...a clamp. I clamped his skull, hard. I just stood there horrified at what I'd just done, like I watched someone else do it. I clamped him again and again until I was covered in his blood. The funny thing is...I felt better for it. Like my true self was in flight. I know this may read like utter madness but I trust you blogger readers. That's why I'm going to do the same to my mom and dad, when I close this diary for the very last time...

CAN ANYONE HEAR ME, CAN ANYONE SEE ME?

'Help me! God someone please set me free.

Can't you hear me? I've been screaming for years.

Locked in my prison of mind zone.

How can you not see me when I am right in front of you?

Am I invisible?

You've known me since childhood but I am a stranger to you.

Do I even have friends, or just people who I know?

It's dark, but my eyes can see, why can't you see me?

I hear you, can you hear me?

I can almost touch you, but you move away!

They think they are all above me, and me below them.

I thought we were a team?

Why did they all leave me behind...'

TORMENTED SOUL

Deep down within it burns me out. I can't control it. The force possesses me like a fucking plague. I have visions and beliefs. My opinions ruin my optimism. I am dark. So deadly dark, social gatherings are fine until something trivial to the shallow eye triggers me off. I'm a handful. I'm unstoppable. I'm evil. Every things false and for show, I am a fake. People are not ready for me. I'm afraid. I absorb energy from others, but I remain fair. I am lonely, so lonely. I have always been this way. Always will. No support, just existence. There's no helping me. I've suffered, send me help. Nobody truly knows me, I am my best friend and enemy. I would end it, if only I had the guts. I live with me each day, the bastard. I need a rescue, my bloods clogged. I'm a genius. I can't relax, give me a drink. Give me drugs maybe I'll o.d. Is there some one out there for me? Fucking find me! I'll wait under a bush in your back garden in the pouring rain, sleet and snow ten years after your dent on me. I have a brain living behind my eyes, I'm better than them. I see more. I'll show them the hunting, take them all down... One day love will value me. Here comes the rain...again.