"ESTATES ON UFO ALERT!"
An Alien sighting was reported yesterday from a lorry driver who was taking a rest from his driving. His witness statement to the local Police station read:
'I stopped off the canal side chip shop to take a break from driving my lorry. I was checking how much change I had when I noticed a bright light on the canal, I thought it was odd but was too tired to be that bothered after driving long hours. I approached the window to the chippy because they lock the door after late. I could not believe what I seen before my blooming eyes, there were two Alien looking things or whatever they were, eating chips from the wrapper. One even had an ipod! They looked just like we all imagine short greenly silver with big heads. I felt my self walking wide around them trying to catch the owners eye who, I must admit looked to know them. The two peculiar beings glided past me as if surfing the tarmac on a skateboard.
'Evening geezer.' The one said to me. and a split second after his pal said to me, 'needs more vinegar mate,' well I was flabbergasted to say the least! I quizzed the chip shop owner about his sanity and if i had imagined the pair of Aliens munching sliced fried spuds. This is what he hadto say..'
'O yes, Bollard and Fixture often come to taste my chips, apparently my reputation has spread across the galaxy.'
I was shell shocked, i immediately made my way back to the lorry questioning my own sanity! Bollard and Fixture..? Bollard and flipping Fixture? What a pair of names, even for Aliens! Thats when I informed the police. I strongly urge people, with Halloween fast approaching that we remain alert around our chip shops, and although they seemed quite pleasant, these two visitors... my main concern was a potato shortage.
SIGNED: Mr Elliotstra Terrestialer