THE BLOGLY SPIGBOT ARTICLES

"ESTATES ON UFO ALERT!"

An Alien sighting was reported yesterday from a lorry driver who was taking a rest from his driving. His witness statement to the local Police station read:

'I stopped off the canal side chip shop to take a break from driving my lorry. I was checking how much change I had when I noticed a bright light on the canal, I thought it was odd but was too tired to be that bothered after driving long hours. I approached the window to the chippy because they lock the door after late. I could not believe what I seen before my blooming eyes, there were two Alien looking things or whatever they were, eating chips from the wrapper. One even had an ipod! They looked just like we all imagine short greenly silver with big heads. I felt my self walking wide around them trying to catch the owners eye who, I must admit looked to know them. The two peculiar beings glided past me as if surfing the tarmac on a skateboard.

'Evening geezer.' The one said to me. and a split second after his pal said to me, 'needs more vinegar mate,' well I was flabbergasted to say the least! I quizzed the chip shop owner about his sanity and if i had imagined the pair of Aliens munching sliced fried spuds. This is what he hadto say..'

'O yes, Bollard and Fixture often come to taste my chips, apparently my reputation has spread across the galaxy.'

I was shell shocked, i immediately made my way back to the lorry questioning my own sanity! Bollard and Fixture..? Bollard and flipping Fixture? What a pair of names, even for Aliens! Thats when I informed the police. I strongly urge people, with Halloween fast approaching that we remain alert around our chip shops, and although they seemed quite pleasant, these two visitors... my main concern was a potato shortage.

SIGNED: Mr Elliotstra Terrestialer

RUNAWAY FORKLIFT

The warehouse workers smoked fags and read the latest news in the paper. The canteen was full, with gossip about some unexplained occurrences the night before.

'Eh Bob? Is this your truck!'

The workers laughed as Bob studied the picture.

'Fuck me, it looks like mine. Even got the sticker.'

Bob went to inspect his truck and sure enough there was blood all over the carriage plate and forks.

'What tha?'

Asda had been rammed by a rouge forklift and Bob was the suspect. That night Bob was washing up, when he thought he'd seen some thing travel by his window. He went out to investigate.

His forklift came straight for him ripping him in half. Then wheel spinned on his dog and cat before ramming the spine from Mrs Bob. The runaway Forklift then reversed into the Christmas tree and goldfish, squashing the family hamster.

Nobody is safe. Quick, go look outside...can you see the runaway?

THE BLOW UP DOLL MURDERS part four

Trudy Grudy watched Wanker Wotkins play with himself. He was viewing a porno movie. Trudy bobbed up behind him in his chair...

'BBRRRPPP!'

SLASH!

Trudy's pizza cutter was mask taped to her hand, and ran across wanker Wotkins throat. Blood sprayed over his flatmate who was tied up on the floor. Trudy then turned her attention to Skinny Bev, who was cryiing in pain in the absence of his ankles.

'Soorryyy!!' Bev cried.

'BRRRPP!' returned Trudy, bobbing up to him holding Wotkins Adam's apple. She slammed in down Bev's throat until he began chewing it. Soon after watching, Trudy went into the kitchen and turned on the gas. She inflated herself with some and then bobbed back into the living room to the final two rapist killers.

Trudy faced them both...

'BRRPPP!'

Before throwing herself on Wanker Wotkins burning nub end in the ash tray.

BBBOOOOMMMMM!!!!

Flames had engulfed the house, and the clock had just struck midnight.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

TIMMY part five

Jasper n Clyde moved in, swift n deadly. They had found Timmy on the farm. Timmy sat nervously on the branch of the huge oak tree, Billy hid in the shed with a peg gun. Timmy was shaking as they swooped down knocking him off the branch. Timmy flipped in mid air and went after them. Jasper n Clyde were shocked as they seen Timmy eyes glaring. Billy missed them with the peg gun and they went after him. Timmy bombed forwards with his god speed and rammed into Jasper n Clyde. Jasper bit Timmy's wing and Clyde circled round with fangs on display! Timmy homed in like in his peanut practice onto Clyde's eyes, Timmy stayed strong. He could see his mom and dad dying.

'Not this time!!!'

Timmy opened his mouth and smashed into Clyde who was stronger. They both crashed into the tree. Jasper bolted down and hit Timmy. Timmy forced himself up to fly, he was weakening. Clyde was blinded as his eyes rolled out. The taste of blood made Timmy feel sick, but he had Clyde to tend with.

'Now ya fuckin dead!!!' screamed Clyde. He bit Timmy's other wing and he went down. Timmy bit back scrapping with Clyde, but he was too weak. Clyde smirked and showed off his daggers of death. Timmy covered his head with his wings and prayed...

SMACK!

Timmy waited... 'No pain...eh'?

Billy came running over, he had just shot Clyde in the head and killed him!

'Are you alright Timmy?' asked Billy shaking.

'Y,yes...thanks to you.'

Jasper fly towards them, using his sense of smell, Timmy pushed Billy away and charged into Jasper. Jasper fly back and the nail leading up to Billy's tree house pierced Clyde's head.

It was over.

Timmy lived in Billy's tree house happy ever after, feeding on the fruit that grew on the huge oak tree. He was finally free, and it's all thanks to you bloggers!

**MY REASON FOR THE SUDDEN ENDING IS THIS...YOU ALWAYS NEED A FRIEND.**

TIMMY part four

Billy helped Timmy attach the weights to his wings. They felt heavy but would be good for his wing speed. Then Billy hung the Peanuts up by string and got his play bow n arrow ready.

Timmy struggled to stay in the air at first and did a few circles in the attic. Timmy aimed for the peanuts, imagining that they were Jaspers n Clydes eyes. At the same time he had to dodge Billy's arrows fast. Timmy trained hard, he had to be faster, stronger, fitter and more cunning than his evil step brothers. Timmy had razor sharp teeth, sharp enough to kill them with. Timmy got hit at first, but as the days passed he became faster without the weights and had aquired pinpoint accuracy. That night while nibbling on a pear, he listened to Billy speak about his happy home here with his foster parents. Timmy had made a friend, but knew the worst was yet to come. Tomorrow, he would lure Jasper n Clyde to a fight to the death!

*Join us next time for the final adventures of Timmy!*

THE BLOW UP DOLL MURDERS part three

Dirty Terry and Carpethead Kevin were having a whale of a time. They knew nothing of Drunken Bobs demise at the hands of Trudy, the possessed blow up doll from the back streets. Instead tonight, they had polished off a bottle of vodka and some Viagra. They thought it funny to come across a similar blow up doll in a skip, like the one they beat up. Probably insane, Dirty Terry and CarpetHead Kevin took it in turns to have pretend sex with the doll, giggling as they do. DT was performing doggy style and pounding the air out from the doll.

'Poof, poof.'

Then CK took over and flipped the doll on its back, legs behind the ears. Then slipped in his unwashed Penis and began shunting away.

'Poof, poof.'

Now what they failed to notice was it was Trudy lying there, in secret and pretending. But Trudy had a plan...a double murder!

Trudy could also feel the pain and pleasure. In spirit she had a Clitoris, Vulva and could enjoy the pleasure. She screamed a 'BBRRRRPPP!' out as her plastic Vagina friction burned their staffs.

'Ouch! Fuck that!' cried Dirty Terry clutching his droop.

'I aint avin that!' swore Carpethead Kevin, pulling up his Y fronts.

'BBBRRRPPP!'

Trudy's legs moved on their own from her head to the floor and she faced them.

'What tha...?'

Their Penises began swelling up and they screamed in pain.

'BBRRRPPPP!'

Trudy was covered in Anthrax and Asbestos! A local break in at the factory's near by.

'BBRRRPP! Brrrrppp!'

Dirty Terry and Carpethead Kevin fell to the floor choking and scratching. Trudy bounced up off the coffee table sex surface, and bounced to the kitchen. She glanced in the cupboards until she found some Salt and a cheese grater, and then bobbed back into the living room and threw it at double trouble, then grated their ankles away.

'AAARRRGGGHHH!'

Trudy bobbed towards the door, and rose her hand to wave without looking back...

'BBBRRRRPPP.'

TIMMY part three

Timmy cried to himself as his nightmares woke him up. He missed his mom and dad so much and was all alone. He could feel Jasper n Clyde hunting him not far away. He'd promised to prepare himself, and a small boy had been leaving him bread who lived in the house with his family. It had been a few days since Timmy had found this hiding place, and he was happy to have made a friend in Billy. Billy was eleven and had got Timmy the equipment he needed to begin his training.

2 Peanuts

2 Pieces of string

2 2 pound weights

and a bow and plastic arrows for Billy to use.

'Join us in the next two parts where Timmy begins his training with Billy and a show down with the Vampires!'

THE BLOW UP DOLL MURDERS part two

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I CAN BE AN IDIOT

'O, THAT DUANE IS A NUTTER. HE'S MAD, A PSYCHO.'

'Really? When did you hear of me going around harming others?'

'HE'S A BIT WEIRD/STRANGE.'

'I do have a yampy sense of humour, but don't we all in our own individual manners?'

'PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM.'

'True, I have been misunderstood in the past. That's your view of me.'

'HE'S DIFFERENT.'

Yes, I am me.'

'HE HAS A VIVID IMAGINATION.'

'Thank you.'