Feeling is Believing

'Here they all come, faster than I thought.

Everywhere I look, i see them after I hear them.

I hear them after I sense them.

I imagine them and invent them, then I sense them.

I fear them before I create them.

I am surrounded.

It's hard to breath.

Need to be see, tunnel vision needs work.

I don't like this, why are they trying to hurt me?

Maybe they are afraid of me.

I can smell their egos feeding on their wild emotions, uncontained mess.

I feel for these streets.

I could get on the news..

Am I fighting my own shadows?

Is that why it's hard today?

I'm not going down, just need a moment to hide away plan my next move.

Wish I'd have learnt Chess..

I have a chess board.

breathings regulated, I see great.

Legs move light, no baggage on my back.

Rain has stopped and daylight is dawning.

I'm unhurt.

I wonder who can see me here, see me now?

I'm alone, but don't feel it.

are they my friends now?

Is it all over?

The air smells fresh, birds fly over head.

I can walk on.

I have returned to the self and faced my Demons.

I had to lose so I could win.

Freedom of self from self is myself's freedom.'

PASSING THOUGHTS

FEB 06:

I summon up my strength, he's coming. He's trained and mean. He looks great,I say to myself. I wonder in the short seconds that I have, just before he launches his attacks...what on earth am I doing here? In this ring, in a Thai boxing gym. Then I remind myself of the up and coming fight I have. O, that must be it.

POW!

Should have blocked that punch, or was it an elbow? I move round I hear the bigger lads telling him to take it easy with me, that bothered me. Remain focused Emsley, he will take your head off. My legs feel cold in this October weather, but it's my birthday month. I feel fit and strong and I remind myself yet again of how much effort I spend keeping healthy.

THUD CRUD!

I side step and give the Russian lad a jab, cross roundhouse. Our gloves are marinated in each others sweat...so what. He makes me look skinny in comparison, but I battle on. Three minutes Duane, and you'll be out of there. Then I think of who I am, and that I'm really sparring myself. Just as a Scorpion will stand it's ground against larger adversary's, I begin my combinations. Enaud Yelsme is here!

With the three minutes over I know I lost the round, even the pats of respect I don't feel. I get changed and walk to my car very pleased that I conquered myself and my fears. And suffice to say that I went on to win my Kickboxing inter club.